The Root of Joy

(Continued from Once in the Long Days of Night--3/16 archive)
To say things went well over the following days would be false. They did not.

Getting down off The Hope Stone I was of course elated. My young friend did not see the vision nor hear the voice, but he said I was still glowing from the intense light he'd seen. He helped me down off the rock.

Seeing that my sword was gone, he asked about it. I told him it had been taken from me. "Oh," he replied simply but with a tone of dismay in his voice. "Don't worry," I assured him. "The joy is in my heart. We'll be fine."

I wanted to believe that but as the glow wore off, I found myself less and less able to show it. Many of the people following me had seen a great light and they talked about it for awhile. But as we trudged through the night they forgot about it. Some of them began to complain. Walking in the dark was not easy, they said, and they wanted to know where I was taking them.

This attitude festered in the group and soon began to wear on me. At one point I stubbed my toe on a rock I hadn't seen and I cursed it in pain as I danced about on one foot. Then I turned my anger on them. "Will you stop complaining?" It took my friend by surprise. His face said enough. I apologized, "I'm sorry." I turned to the hundred or so and said, "Can you not walk in the darkness without complaining?" Some answered only by asking where we were going. "That way," I said; but I had no clear idea. I turned away from them and continued walking, though with a slight limp.

Quite some time passed before I realized that the lack of joy in my being had little or nothing to do with the people following me. Before I realized that however, I went through a period of increasing frustration. Sudden anger seemed often only a breath away. I had found it too easy to blame one or another for my sorry state of being.

We were lost on the plain. Other than the star in the sky I had no bearing on where we were or where to take them. I couldn't answer their stupid question. Dawn seemed a long way off. We hadn't seen a shred of daylight for quite awhile. My friend pulled his dagger and swung it in the air several times and I knew why. I said nothing, but I was troubled. How could I swing a sword I did not have? We were being attacked and I knew it. I had the armor, but I had no weaponry.

Then I saw what was happening. I stopped walking and fell to my knees. I raised my hands toward the star. "Where is my joy?" I asked. I confessed that I was sorrowful, that I had lost the joy somewhere in my disbelief. "I saw you. I know you. I know it was you. Where is my joy? What have I done to lose it? I cannot find it in me."

The star remained where it was, a tiny yet brightly steady light in a blackened sky, unresponsive. All the people with me gathered about, some expressing their impatience. My friend, still of good intent, asked, "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes." I weighed my answer. "Yes. Be happy." I looked at him and then turned my attention to the others as I rose to my feet. "We HAVE something we can do. We can be happy! It's not something we eat and it's not something we get. It's a choice. Be happy!" The complainers stepped back. "Are you intimidated by that?" I asked them pointedly. "You shouldn't be! Just a short time back you were singing praises in blessed harmony. You brought forth God's presence by it! Don't you remember? Look at you now? You complain about everything. You cry and whine like wild dogs. You bicker and moan and fight and argue. What is that? No wonder we are lost in the darkness. Be happy!"

I turned from them and started walking again. I knew I was as guilty as they. I had allowed circumstance to rule. "We've got to stop living this way" I muttered. I put my hand on my friend's shoulder and explained to him, "We're just walking through here. We are not bound by these circumstances." He agreed. Courageous he was and always so willing. I loved him for that.

I raised my arm to the sky as if I had a sword in my hand and cried out in a loud, happy voice, "I, for one, am happy. I...AM...HAPPY!"

And suddenly I was. Morning light broke across the sky.

###Dwayne K. Parsons